Flashback Friday: Graduating Again

That's me in the center. Obviously no one had yet emparted to me the beauty of well-tweezed eyebrows, the thickness of which I unfortunately inherited from my father. And oh yeah - I bought that dress myself at a store hours away from my hometown. It was one of my first fashion decisions without my mother. Maybe horizontal stripes aren't always the most flattering, but otherwise it's okay.

I see it, but maybe the crooked smile fools you. I was so unsure of myself. Junior high, such a rough time for any girl, had put my self-esteem through the ringer. I had a newer group of friends that I wasn't sure would last through the shift to high school. And I was super fearful about being the lowest man on the totem pole again, anticipating more competition in my most confident arenas.

I was relieved to disembark from such a difficult place, but fearful to move on. It felt premature to hope when I just might revert back to the seventh grade me and repeat all of my insecurities and mistakes in the tenth grade.

Austin is my seventh grade all over again.  It's been a threshing floor for all of my deepest wounds and insecurities.  I've waded through deep waters of doubt here, questioning everything I thought was soundly mine before.  I'm a bit more secure now, just like I was in that ninth grade picture.  I've established roles, cultivated hard-won relationships, gained confidence in new areas of ability.
 
And now I find myself graduating from this place.  Happy to leave, fearful to proceed.  I'll be attending seminary for counseling in the fall and as I prepare, I keep facing the same fear written all over my face in this photograph.  Have I really learned the lessons I'll need?  Or will I just repeat the same lessons I fought so hard to learn?  
 
There's no way of knowing - I can't see into my future.  So as I graduate, I have to believe that those hard won faith battles will have driven their stakes deep into my spirit-foundation.  That I will shore up grace and truth.  That I will continue to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. 
 
That I will love.